Sunday, February 03, 2008 @ 9:32 pm
Sorry.
It's time to do a self-reflection.
If this is what it's called.
Okay this may sound very pfft, but I'm ratehr serious about it.
I don't see anything :) about myself.
As far as I can see, I've got no significant talent. Or whatever you call that.
I see plenty of :(( though.
Let's start with....
BAD TEMPER.
Yes... bad temper.
I'm not trying to say that im all that good or anything, but I do feel that I have changed, even if some don't see it. Well, I am trying hard to change as I know it's bad.
I can still vividly remember the violent piece of **** I was in primary school. When I was angry, I tend to throw/hit things, or smack people.
*shudders*( hey I'm just cold xD okay bet you din't get that)
After going through angry-management courses and therapy... UH I MEAN after some self-reflection, er... realised violence is bad. BAD. uh-huh.
So I er, became less violent?
Ahem.
So now... I still get worked up quite easily but usually the anger don't last long and after awhile I will really want to laugh at some random things but kept that stern(?) and pissed look even though I'm not really fuming inside.
I tend to openly show my emotions because I feel that keeping too much emotion to yourself or something like that is really unhealthy.
But obviously I do have some thoughts and feelings about certain issues that I keep to myself. And when I keep too much of those inside I will become even crankier than ever. Which is bad.
Very bad.
Also, although I am very sensitive to what people say/comment/blah, I don't think I'm very sensitive (or sensitive at all) to others' feelings. Maybe I'm just dumb, but 70% or more of the time I can't sense what the other person's thinking. So sometimes I get the wrong message and talk crap. That is when I become impossibly irritating and like a brat. Jerk. Yeah.
I think too much into some things, probably because I care alot about what my friends think about me. That's... bad? Okay. I'm an irritating ass to be around with, because I'm so clueless about others' emotions and keep blabbering on and on about nothing.
I am rather(very?) blunt straightforward and crap without thinking yet am clueless about things I can't control in my head being a total dumbass and obnoxious and blah and not self-conscious when I need to be yet overly self-conscious when I'm not supposed to be. I don't like that part of me and has been trying to change, but often, it's not as easy as it sounds. Try. Try. Fail.
Misunderstanding often gets the better of me.
But I know I'm not perfect. Obviously. Sometimes I think I'm a piece of ****. but never mind, ignore that.
Although I get all worked up and sensitive to some random tiny insignificant things, I can take the truth about myself. Provided that it's being told in a calm and I-don't-know-how-to-describe-it manner. I'm blunt and sharp (AHAA ._. bet you didnt' get that too), so if a friend finds fault with me, I think it's okay to spit it out right in my face. Okay maybe I will get angry and all that, but I WILL think about it. In any case, friends won't just randomly scream in your face for nothing, do they? They must mean for you to change if they bother to point our your faults. This shows that they care. And those are real friends.
Please, if any of my friends find faultSS with me, just say it. If I get overly worked up, point that out too. I know this means I'm relying quite alot on my friends to grow up, but well, sometimes I'm just plain blind to my own mistakes, or I see it, regret it, but don't know how to express... er... it. I need friends' (omfs I accidentally typed fiends just now. that's... wrong.) help to change o be a better person to make the world a better place (please ignore/forget the make world better place part). If any of friends out there need my help (can't do therapy though, sorry, since I need therapy myself...), feel free to ask. I will try my best, within my ablities.
I beg for forgiveness for my 无知ness, and so I beg for my friends out there to correct me. Please believe that I will try to change.
And please pardon the blabbering non-stop about my problems/needs/issues, 'cause I have no one else to turn to. I know that you guys have enough problems yourselves, so if you need me to shut-up, just scream that out loud. =) And I am sorry if I sometimes don't reply when you talk to me about some stuffs/problems. It is just that I don't know what to say or I don't know how to phrase what I'm thinking so to not say the wrong things or offend you, I chose to keep quiet and wait for you to continue. It is not that I don't take your words seriously; I do listen, but I can't really express my thoughts and feelings as some may find them offensive and such.
And I sincerely apologise for the "I'm being ignored". But that's because most of your friends... I don't know them. So I will walk off to find someone I know, 'cause I don't want to sit there with you and your friends being totally extra and having no idea what is happening. T.T
So... I'll end my post here.
With a BIG, SINCERE,
SORRY. AND THANK YOU~
